Dim Echoes of a Heart in Pain
by reminiscent-afterthought
Summary: As they recalled, they met first as enemies, and incomplete as all two opposing halves are unbound. Pain danced between them, and years later, they still wonder how much hurt they caused each other, and themselves, before they could meet again as brothers


**Author's Notes**

Last time I checked, it was perfectly normal for siblings to share a bed.

Also, the twins don't need to explicitly communicate, so to speak, because they know each other so well.

And I think they're pretty affectionate of one another deep down, but both are shy in different definitions, so don't act like that in public. But they're in private here, Kouji's bedroom, parents asleep, they can be as _themselves_ as they like.

And I didn't intend this to be twincet. If you read it that way...well, that's up to you. I just see it as sibling love though (family level). Twins are closer than most I fathom...

Anywho, enjoy. lol, I sound like my friend there. I normally say any_way._

* * *

**Dim Echoes of a Heart in Pain**

As they recalled, they met first as enemies, and incomplete as all two opposing halves are unbound. Pain danced between them, and years later, they still wonder how much hurt they caused each other, and themselves, before they could meet again as brothers.

Kouji M & Kouichi K

Rating: T

Genre/s: Family/Hurt/Comfort

* * *

They were twins, but they had their differences. More so perhaps because they had majorly grown up in different environments, and thus different factors had influences certain characteristics in terms of gene expression. Kouichi, having grown up in a purely maternal family, ad a more gentle and passive disposition than his brother who had been mostly surrounded by more masculine role models and thus demonstrated more assertive behaviour. Their responses in similar situations varied as well; Kouji found it more prudent to deal with the threat upfront then letting it grow unprecedented if left alone, while the elder of the two chose to avoid direct confrontations unless absolutely necessary in order to avoid as much hurt, both to himself and to others, as possible.

Of course, they had their similarities, as their quiet natures and similar physical appearances demonstrated, and yet even they differed, Both embraced silence by nature, but while Kouji's had developed from his anger, denial and chosen exile, Kouichi's had stemmed more from fear: fear for contributing more to his mother's stress, fear of alienating himself via. assertion and then winding up alone; at least, while he remained in silence's embrace, he could reap the comfort of company even when it wasn't truly a part of them. Their pale skin, while common as a structural feature, natural and partially hereditable, the elder twin's was a shade paler still from bouts of illnesses that overcame his weaker immune system. Their hair too was a shade differing, though that was purely because of the younger's use of conditioner, though he would deny that fact when asked, and their lengths as well, for the elder the short cut being easier both easier to manage and more convenient as it was less likely to house an infestation of nits or the likes and both faster and more efficient to remove should such a situation arise.

That is not to say they do not complement; rather, they do to an almost improbable extent. But one cannot deny that the two were essentially opposing forces, if the spirits of darkness and light were any given indication.

Thus it was to be expected that their sleeping habits differed as well. The warrior of light was generally quick to fall asleep, but a relatively light sleeper in comparison, rising with the sun on most occasions. Conversely, his brother, being darkness, was more restless at night, making it rather difficult for his body and mind to adjust to the steady rhythmic patterns of sleep, though when he did sleep, it was near impossible to wake him up again.

So it went without saying that when the two were together, neither of them really slept till the night was far from young.

Restlessness kept Kouichi up, even when the sky had dimmed hours ago. And his restlessness kept his brother awake too, the other's less then serene breathing and heart rates being enough from keeping the other from slipping into a restful doze.

So instead of sleeping like others their age, or of most ages for that manner, they spent the nights in which they were together in conversation, thanking that neither their parents nor stepmother were light sleepers themselves, and thus not disturbed by their bi-weekly talks.

They talked of the future, of the past, of the pains and sorrows they shared together, and sometimes not, but that night, they differed slightly in that they conversed of the pain they had caused each other.

And it had started by quite a simple question.

'Ne, Kouji?'

'Hmm..?' The other lifted his head up from his pillow and blinked at his brother, who was fiddling with the pillowcase.

'Are you afraid of death?' The question was rushed, and slightly garbled, as though the boy wanted it out of him as fast as possible.

Kouji sat up in surprise and stared at his brother, the question hanging between them. 'I suppose...' he mused thoughtfully. 'What brought this on?'

Kouichi, still mostly under the covers, snuggled more deeply into them and muttering something indiscreet.

'What was that?'

The elder lifted his head slightly. 'Duskmon.'

'Duskmon?' the other repeated, a tad faintly. 'But he's gone. We...I...killed him.'

'You can't kill him,' Kouichi replied, voice even softer. 'We are the same. And Lowemon too.'

'But Duskmon was the tainted spirit!' This time, the younger's voice rose in tone. 'You were brainwashed. Duskmon wasn't you.'

'He was,' the other argued quietly. 'Brainwashing warps the mind, but it doesn't, it can't, change anything about a person.'

'So you're saying that...' he cut himself off, shaking his head slightly after sitting up.

Something about the expression on his face told Kouichi that his brother had known.

'You knew,' he stated after the thought expressed itself, sounding slightly accusatory, but with all good intention.

'I suppose I didn't want to admit it.'

'Because I was trying to kill you?'

'Because I, to an extent, succeeded.'

There was a slight pause, before Kouji picked up the slack. 'Why are we talking about this?'

'Because we need to,' the other replied. 'Why else do we linger on the past?'

The question was rhetorical, so naturally it went unanswered.

The shorter-haired of the two sat up and joined his brother at the edge, laying his head gently on the other's shoulder. 'Continue,' he said softly, not exactly commanding but near enough for the other to obey.

The other took a deep breath, before continuing past the statement he had paused at. 'I killed Duskmon,' he reiterated. 'And if you were him, then I killed you too.'

'But I was alive.' Then he faltered, because technically, he had not being alive at all, but merely an astral spirit roaming between life and death. 'Well...sort of. But you didn't kill me. If anything, you saved me.'

'And killed you.'

He turned his head slightly and blue eyes blink up at an identical pair. 'You didn't kill me,' he repeated with more emphasis.

'I hurt you,' Kouji said, looking away from the intense orbs.

A pause.

'That's...different. I hurt you too.'

'True.'

They sat in silence for awhile again, before the younger of the two, figuring that as good a time as any was available to him, asked a question he had been wondering for a while.

'How did it feel when I scanned your spirits?'

He felt the weight lift off his shoulders, and then was gifted by silence once more, this time stretching for so long that it seemed the other wasn't willing to answer at all.

'Look, I'm sorry I-'

A pale hand descended upon his lips, cutting off the apology, before the other tilted his chin towards him. Kouichi shook his head slowly, his eyes slightly misty, reminiscent as they delved in painful memories.

'It hurt,' he said quietly. 'It was like a part of me, an integral part, was being ripped away.'

'You screamed.'

'I did? I don't really remember...I suppose I must have. The pain alone was enough to make me pass out.'

Kouji kept his silence, forcing Kouichi to continue.

'Even though it was agony, there was something...tranquil about it. Like I was gaining something I had long since lost, something that could ease my pain...and my darkness.'

'But you are darkness.'

'Yeah...'

There was another awkward pause. 'We're starting to make a habit of this.'

'Hn. You're right. And you are always more courageous at night.'

'I wouldn't call this courage.'

'No? What about you almost getting fried by Cherubimon?'

'Recklessness. Hardly courage.'

'And Lucemon?'

'Suicidal.'

The younger grunted, rolling his eyes in a semi-playful way. 'So you're just a masochist at heart.'

'I could say the same about you.' Unlike the other, Kouichi's tone was completely serious.

That statement, had for a moment, thrown Kouji for a loop. 'Huh?'

'As Duskmon, I caused you as much pain as you caused me. And yet you followed.'

'I was curious,' he defended.

'Curious enough to endure pain and dish it out?'

The two brothers looked at each other, then suddenly burst into laughter.

'Why are we laughing?' Kouji managed to choke out eventually, stifling the giggled that rose.

The other twin controlled his own mirth enough to answer. 'We really made each other endure hell, ne?'

'We sure did.'

Then the laughter burst out again.

It took a few moments for it to subdue; luckily, their parents had not heard the slightly louder than normal disturbance.

'It still hurts.'

'I know. But it was necessary.'

They looked at each other again. 'Would you take any of it back?'

'No.'

'Masochist.'

The elder whacked his brother over the head with his pillow. 'We already went over that,' he scolded playfully. 'But _ototo-chan_, what doesn't destroy you makes you stronger.'

'Clichéd.'

'But true.'

'It almost did destroy you.'

'...I think it did. You too.'

The younger blinked. 'Meaning?'

'Meaning that we're not the people we were then. But it doesn't have to be a bad thing, does it?'

'True.'

They lay back down together, after Kouichi retrieved his pillow of course.

'Why did it have to be this way?' Kouji complained, and for a moment, he looked far younger, far more innocent, than he ever had.

'Who knows,' the other said softly. 'Maybe that is how things have to be. How things are intended to be. But would we be this close, this different, if all that hadn't happened? If things really weren't this way?'

'You tell me. You're the philosophical one.'

'I can't predict a non-existent past. But I think I can safely say that the answer is no. We were enemies first, and that makes our bond as brothers that much stronger at the end. Sometimes, there are things you can only learn from the other side.'

'I guess...'

'Kouji?'

'Yeah?'

'I'm glad it all happened, in the end. Even after everything, 'baa-san dying, all the pain, whether we caused it to ourselves or each other...' Kouji knew there, he wasn't just thinking about Duskmon, but his own emotions that had lead to the darkness mounting and his heart blackening, the dark side which had fed the corrupted warrior's existence, and the envy he had contained when he saw the greener grass on the other side. 'We wouldn't be like this without it all.'

'You're right.'

He watched as the other's eyes flickered closed, then interrupted.

'You know. You really gave us all a fright on the operation table.'

Kouichi opened his eyes again. 'We're not finished with this conversation?'

'Not really. After all, it's not just about us, is it?'

'No,' the other agreed, before stifling a yawn. 'But you do realise that it's four in the morning, right? I'd like _some_ sleep tonight.'

'It is?' A glance at the digital clock confirmed that. 'Whoops, I guess we got carried away.'

'Don't we always?' the other yawned, before closing his eyes again. 'Night.'

'Good night _Ni-chan_.'

Like all two opposing elements, they melded in perfect harmony when the forces did not contradict. Innocence was always found in sleep, even more so when the heavy burdened weight was lifted, even temporary as they disclosed themselves to others, and the night itself. Innocence befitting of a child who had dreamed away his troubles, which was really all they were in the end. Children, just burdened with more than mere kids should have to bear.

But as they themselves said, neither would take it back. Despite the pain, the conflict, the disruption of harmony which lingered for ten years between them before they met, both on the battlefield and after, they would not wish for an alternative.

Because with the greatest pains come the greatest rewards. Something the two, truly symbolic of yin and yang in the way their differences complement and coexist, learned the hard way.


End file.
